be friendly, betches
Michael at The New Gay is turning over a new leaf in this town:
"I'm adopting a new philosophy. If I recognize your face, from the gym, a bar, wherever, I'm going to smile, nod and say "Hi" to you when I see you on the street. And if I know your name, I'm going to say 'Hi, _name_'."
In the DC gay scene, this is heresy. I've found that an outgoing and purely friendly approach is often met with chilly 'tude in this town. But I still keep doing it with the secret belief that being friendly might also annoy a segment of the New England or east coast population. As for the rest who don't take it as overt cruising or that I want something from them, good for you! I'm from the Midwest where people are friendly. If you meet someone at a ball game, and then see them a year later in line at the grocery store, you can still resume the conversation and be friendly and they won't freak out. Wear a Green Bay Packers tee shirt and carry a fishing pole in National Airport, and you'd be amazed at the number of friendly Wisconsin-born who come up to ask where you are going to go fishing. We're just that way, don't be afraid.
Here's me being friendly, fingering Carl's anus a few weeks ago to get him to make a funny face for the MetroWeekly photographer. Here's OMG DJ TM™ with OMG Timmy. Speaking of OMG DJ TM™, the phoenix has risen as I expected, and he's spinning in the back room at Apex tonight.
More friendliness: earlier this week I was walking down 17th Street and passed THREE friends from my time in Peace Corps Kazakstan in 1996-1997. I took the time to sit down with two of them at Annie's for dinner. Mark reminded me that our service was 11 years ago! That means I've been in DC for ten years. I never intended to live here for that long. I don't regret living here for 10 years, but they went by very fast. I've noticed as you get older time travels forward faster.
Here's me doing some historic reenactment a few weeks ago at the Tucson Presidio, which Homer helped develop:
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Wow. I didn't realize DC is this way. Lord knows I am a big flirty and huggy person. What am I in for in seven more weeks? I come from the great State of Louisiana where our state song is "You Are My Sunshine". I will be confused if everyone is a frigid cold bitch. Do you mean to tell me that there are no warm Daddies to hug in DC? Just Daddies with TUDE? Gulp!
I am glad that you are bringing the friendliness to DC! I am from Michigan and say hello to everyone, I am sure they all think I am crazy. It is just the Midwest.
I agree with you. I try to say hello or nod at people when I recognize them but then again, I'm from Pittsburgh. I don't understand why people feel they have to act like they don't know someone. Anyway....I want to adopt you...that is if you want to move the Pittsburgh. You just keep getting cuter. =P
Doesn't Carl's ass have a facebook page?
Carl's anus is warm and friendly.
How refreshing!
Here in NYC we patently ignore guys we've seen around at the gym and in bars and on the street and with our friends until we're actually physically introduced, at which time, we pointed look away, offer a limp hand, and mutter how we've seen you around "for a million years".
But then, we're known for our charm.
Jimbo - Just remember that not all New Englanders are cold, distant and standoffish. I pride myself for being a very friendly Granite Stater. On a DC note, when I moved from Dupont to Cap. Hill I noticed a huge difference in how people reacted to you on the street. At least in the Lincoln Park area people would look you in the eye and say, "Good morning." It was a nice shock. Baltimore, aka Charm City, is pretty friendly for the east coast and is a VERY refreshing change from DC.
There is attitude in every town. But, I think, for the most part, we skew perceptions based on our own self-consciousness or overanalyzation of every fucking little thing. "OMG - he didn't look at me. I know he knows me. How dare he! He's doing it to spite me cuz I didn't say hi to him last week at Safeway in the produce section. Oh god, I'm mellllllllting." Not everyone who doesn't say hi is being a dick or being frosty (btw, I love Wendy's frosties). They may actually not remember you, or recognize you, or maybe they're shy. It's not always about you, mister. I would turn it around and say: I've met a lot of people who were sweet as pie (blueberry) when I met them, and people always said -- "He's the nicest guy" -- and then they turned into brooding assholes a year later. Fake friendlies, I call them. And they deserve to be ignored! But be cordial.
I'm reeeeeally bad with remembering faces and I'm even stone-cold sober, so I'm sure some (crazy) people may think I'm frosty at times. But always remember...while Frosties are often cold, they're also sweet and tasty, too.
Don't over-analyze, say hi, give bear hugs. That's my motto! Unless you're a douche. C'mon, people now! Smile on your brother. Everybody get together try to love one another right now. K, thanks.
TJ: If I had the extra cash for plane tickets, I'd take you on a trip to Holmen, Wisconsin; Des Moines, Iowa; Minneapolis or even Tucson. There you will see a marked difference in receptiveness to greetings. You can then overanalyze and give me a report on your observations. I'm confident you'll see a definite difference.
And it is _always_ about me, mister.
You got it all wrong. Do like Southern folk do. We say hello and we keep talking until you say something back. The sidewise glance or bland look of indifference does nothing to deter us. If anything it spurs us on.
Up here in Minneapolis, I frequently smile and say hi to (gasp) Complete STRANGERS!
Bravo! I cannot stand it when people don't say hi. The worst is when they see you out, they don't say anything to you, then you come home and log into BigMuscle or MySpace to find a message from someone reading, "Saw you out tonight." Umm okay, why didn't you come say "Hi" to me then? All these social networking websites and everyone is so antisocial out in public.
I think it has something to do with puritanism...being seen and not heard.
Please consider that what to outsiders seems cold and distant, to particular New England cultures(like the one that spawned me) is actually being polite. A presumption of familiarity with someone not well known or properly introduced is considered forward and rude - the degree of transgression increasing with any disparities in age, gender or class. That is why, when you approach with wild eyes, lurid grin, booming jocular greetings and arms extended to shake or(worse) hug you are met with icy stiffness. You have just performed the equivalent of grabbing the stranger's ass or sticking your tongue in his ear. However, civil convention also dictates that non intimates are always acknowledged- passing on the street, in the elevator, at the gym- with a nod, or brief, non effusive and neutral greetings like "M'am", "hello" or "good afternoon". Not doing so is considered a deliberate slight, and if repeated, provocative. I'm not making this up.
That being said, it drives me NUTS the way many Mid-Atlantic(Baltimore less so, but Philly and DC certainly) folks - people you see everyday or weekly - can't seem to acknowledge you in any way unless you say something first, and then, startled, look furtively about mumbling some lame half greeting before scurrying off. Should you attempt any future assault on the individual - like saying "hey" on the elevator - the scenario is repeated. It's crazy; they act like you tried to stick your tongue in their ear. Or something.
10 years...good grief. I will never miss DC, although I do miss folks.