Ghost Rider sucked _this_ bad

Aww jeez, Ghost Rider is #1 at the box office this week. I can't believe it, but then again, if Americans can vote for Bush twice, they'll go see Ghost Rider I guess.

While I like my geek comic book movies, Ghost Rider sucked supreme donkey dick from start to finish, from script to CGI. It's up there as one of the shittiest comic book turned motion picture ever, right up there with Swamp Thing (starring Adrienne Barbeau, the only star of the film I must add).

Anyway, the plot of the film goes like this: Nicholas Cage's character used to be hot in the first part of the film, but then they ruin everything and fast forward to present and suddenly he has a bad wig because he sells his soul to the Devil. Not even the Devil's Contract can burn off his bad wig, not even when his skull bursts into flame. It's like an asbestos wig from hell on his head, and it possesses his mind and makes him say bad, poorly written lines in the film. I just couldn't get past that wig, I'm sorry.

Then four evil gay elemental DC Cowboy demons start chasing him. Then Eva Mendez tries to act. Then there's all this pointless CGI of swirling black shit flying through the air and then the bad guy dies because he's saw the sins of some village or something.

I'm just trying to help you people here. Don't see this film. I disliked it more than I disliked Brokeback Mountain. But at least there wasn't as many bad wigs in Brokeback, as far as I could tell. Maybe a pubic wig, maybe.

And in her time, Adrienne Barbeau could kick your pansy ass across the street - twice. I just have to make sure that fact is known. In Swamp Thing, she fucking took this heavy-ass scuba tank and fucking clocked this guy across the head, and it was the first time in cinematic history where a Latina with a French last name fought back after being chased by bad guys.